If you follow me on Instagram you will know by now that back in November we ended up getting a kitten of our very own because this sounded like a good idea, in theory, at the time. Nearly 3 months later and I can honestly say it’s been a steep learning curve and our lives (and sofa!) will never quite be the same.
We went old school and scoured Gumtree for our very own discount kitten and then drove to a slightly unerving farm in the middle of nowhere to pick the little guy up. It was foggy, dark and I came face to face with Black Phillip’s white doppelgänger. Seriously though, goats freak me out.
As if this wasn’t foreboding enough, we decide to name the kitten Rasputin because he’d have to be evil and unkillable to survive in this family. There’s also a slight resemblance – I mean, check out those whiskers!
My God, were we on the money with that one.
You will name your kitten something cute or quirky but will call him anything but that name.
Kit-Kat, Kitton, Little Buddy, Fluffers or Lil Fucker for when he knocks over your favorite plant that you’d manage to keep alive for a record amount of time.
He will find the most unexpected places to hide.
You will freak out at least 3 times a week that you’ve lost the kitten. Though all the doors and windows are shut and there’s no reasonable way he could have gotten out. Amongst the place Rasputin has eyed up as future lairs are the coffee table drawer, beneath the sofa throw, up the chimney and inside the bucket.
The kitten will be hungry. All the time.
I never see Rasputin more excited than when he spots me walking towards his bowls. This is iregardless of the fact that he’s just eaten 30 minutes ago and I’m just trying to get some milk from the fridge for my tea. He’ll also try to get to your food if at all possible.
Your kitten will grow really quickly.
Probably because he wants to eat all the time. As much as he can. Seriously, I’m still not over the rate we go through kitten food at. At this rate, we might be next!
He will resent you for putting him in his carrier.
He will nevertheless need to go to the vets for his vaccinations. He will wail loudly. Other pet owners will be judging you because apparently getting a kitten is more political than expected. In fact, the meowing will be a constant background noise.
Your kitten will sleep anywhere and everywhere except on his actual bed.
We got him a fancy thermal bed and a lovely heater bed. He still tries to build a toilet paper nest at every opportunity. He will deign to use his bed if he has to.
He is a tiny, destructive tornado.
He will scratch and gnaw at everything. Those chill cuddles you’ve been dreaming of? Forget about it. If he needs a warm place to nap then you’ll be great for that. Rasputin is also completely obsessed with feathers, tassels, anything moving or dangling, laser pointers, his collar, my fingers etc.
You will end up saying “no” a lot because of this.
You’ll find yourself sounding increasingly like your parents. You will never be able to just chill and watch the telly again.
He will never, ever want to be in your pictures.
Do you dream of snapping the latest cute or hilarious viral cat picture? Never going to happen. The moment you whip out your phone or the camera, that little guy is dashing away like the fickle prima donna he truly is.
Sadly, your kitten will be so cute most of the time that he’ll basically be able to get away with murder.
Or mauling your sofa.
Still very tempted to get him a white buddy named Bartok, though!